Talking About Violence — Why It’s Not the Answer

 

When tragedy and violence strike in our communities—or anywhere in our country—it can feel almost impossible to find the right words to say to our kids. But the truth is, they’re hearing things every day—through friends at school, snippets of news, or even from us without realizing it. This guide is here to give you a place to start in those tough moments that feel far too common these days.

These prompts are meant to spark ideas and help you find the words that feel right for your family. Every child, family, and situation is different—so use what feels comfortable, adjust as needed, and trust your instincts.

Purpose

To help children process what they see or hear about violence and guns, to reassure them, to teach values, and to empower them to believe change is possible.

1. Start With Reassurance & Listening

Parent/Caregiver might say:

  • “I want to talk with you about something important—because I love you and I care about how you see the world.”
  • “Have you heard or seen anything recently that made you feel scared, upset, or confused—like something about violence, someone using a gun, or something at school or online?”

(Pause. Give them space to share what they know or feel.)

2. Acknowledge Feelings & Validate

  • “Thank you for telling me. It’s okay to feel angry, sad, scared, or confused. Those are all normal when we hear about things like this.”
  • “You are not alone. I’m here for you, to answer questions, and help you feel safe.”

3. Give Simple Truths

  • “Here’s what I want you to know: violence is never a good solution. It hurts people, makes things worse, and causes pain.”
  • “Sometimes people act out of fear, anger, or hurt, but that doesn’t make violence okay.”
  • “There are better ways to solve problems—by talking, listening, helping each other, showing kindness, or asking for help when things feel too big.”

4. Explain What We Can Do (Empowerment)

  • “We can do things when bad or scary things happen.”
    • Speak up when we see someone being mean or unfair.
    • Help people who are hurt by showing kindness or finding a trusted adult.
    • Ask questions and keep learning so we understand why people feel angry or hurt.
    • Stand against hate or bullying by being a good friend and treating everyone with respect. Remember: if you can’t change it in 30 seconds, it’s not something to tease or make fun of. 

“One person, one family, one school can make a difference.”

5. Put Safety First

  • “Sometimes hearing or seeing things can make your mind race. If you ever feel unsafe—in school, online, or anywhere—please tell me or another grown-up you trust.”
  • “We can make a safety plan together: who you can talk to, what you can do if you hear something scary, and when to come to me.”

6. Model Hope & Action

  • “I believe we can help make things better—with kindness, understanding, and courage.”
  • “You matter—as a person, as someone who cares, and as someone who can choose kindness over fear and listening over anger.”

7. Offer Ongoing Conversations & Resources

  • “We don’t have to fix everything now. It’s okay if you have more questions later, or if you feel worried again. We can always talk!”
  • “Let’s read about people who chose peace and stood up for good things—so you can see real examples.”
  • “If anything you read or see online makes you scared, come to me and we’ll look at it together.”

Why This Matters

  • Kids absorb a lot from what they see, hear, and feel. Silence or avoidance can leave them more anxious or confused.
  • When parents and caregivers lead with love, honesty, and values, children feel more secure and empowered.
  • Teaching that violence is not inevitable—that peace, respect, listening, and change are possible—gives children hope. And hope is a powerful force in changing how communities act.

 

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